have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
