At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
