69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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