My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
