3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
50% drunk capacity currently
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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