Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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