there's paper in my vomit.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
