I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
