Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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