I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
