Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
