i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
