dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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