I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
