the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
