You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Randomize
