Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
