It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
