Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
