I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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