You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
