I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
