You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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