i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
