I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
