I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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