Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We just shotgunned beers for America
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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