I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
