i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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