Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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