So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
she smelled like a LAN party
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
