the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
its not stalking. its research.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
