So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
