I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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