Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
