apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just had sex on a roof
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
