she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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