I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
