I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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