I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
