This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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