Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
