Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Fuck appropriateness.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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