Whod you bang
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
