dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
