yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
We left an ass print on the piano.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
