woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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