So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm at about main and main street
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
