Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
