Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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