she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
