We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
