when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
