Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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